


Excessive Force

by Shockcakes



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Snark, funny interactions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 22:56:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shockcakes/pseuds/Shockcakes
Summary: Two idiots argue about guns





	Excessive Force

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ArmIa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArmIa/gifts).

> Big shoutouts to ArmIa for their (and by extension, Archie/IDW Sonic's) rendition of Omega. I was driven enough to put together a short little thing involving Omega being Omega.

"OBSERVATION: YOUR USE OF FIREARMS SERVES LITTLE PURPOSE."

Shadow's focus didn't wane. His posture relaxed as his eyes focused on the target dummy. "What makes you say that?"

"AS THE SELF PROCLAIMED-"

"Don't forget Gerald and the Black Arms." He let himself slip. He knew Omega liked to agitate him when it came to his given title. The robot's lack of a face hadn't granted him the privilege of expressing wryness but somehow, the brief pause before Omega responded was all he needed.

"AS YOU SAY," Shadow rolled his eyes. "THAT SAID, FIREARMS APPEAR REDUNDANT TO A BEING THAT EMITS HIGHLY POTENT ENERGY BURSTS ON COMMAND."

Shadow's breathing relaxed as he allowed the rest of his body to do the same. The shot lined with his pistol. "And what's your excuse? I presume you still have a lump sum of missiles, flamethrowers, and Chaos knows how many more weapons of mass destruction in that scrap compactor body of yours. Why bother with meager bullets?"

Omega's bulky arm took aim as well, his scrap compactor claws rotating into their "meager bullet" shooters. His servos whirred noisily, amplified by the echoing silence of the target practice area before he opened fire. In seconds, the dummy adjacent to Shadow's was generously gifted new searing hot orifices.

"DO NOT WORRY, SHADOW. I DO NOT FAULT YOU FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING THE DEFINITION OF THE TERM 'MEAGER'."

"And I don't fault you for not understanding the definition of 'accuracy'."

"OBSERVATION: MY STATIONARY TARGET POSSESSES NO THEORETICAL CHANCE OF SURVIVAL AS SHOWN BY MY DECIMATION OF WHERE ITS ENTRAILS ARE MEANT TO BE." A clawed finger pointed towards the dummy's midsection in question, a mere breeze of wind away from snapping in half entirely. "ERGO, MY DEFINITION OF THE TERM 'ACCURACY' REMAINS UNCHALLENGED."

Shadow gave an indignant 'hmph', his focus aiming back towards his own target. "And yet you wasted more of your precious bullets than necessary. Want me to add 'efficiency' to that list?" Omega's head turned just slowly enough to convey some semblance of annoyance. "Watch."

The grip on his pistol tightened. His heartbeat steadied. With the discipline of a veteran marksman, his trigger was pulled twice, each bullet hitting the target square in the middle of its painted bull's-eye. Somewhere, a purple furred sniper would be eating his heart out.

"There, see?" Shadow allowed himself the faintest smirk for such a professional demonstration. "And I didn't even need to waste more precious ammo than I needed."

"YOU FIRED TWICE."

"Yes, I did. What's your point?"

"YOU IMPLY THAT YOUR PUNY SIDEARM WOULD DISPATCH AN ENEMY WITH ONE PATHETIC BULLET AND YET YOU WASTED ONE MORE OF YOUR SO-CALLED 'PRECIOUS AMMO'."

Shadow frowned. "It's called _insurance_."

"THE ONLY THINGS BEING INSURED ARE YOUR BLATANT CONTRADICTIONS."

"_This_ coming from the walking tin can who calls decimating everything within a 10 feet radius accuracy?"

"QUERY: IF AN ENEMY WITHIN A 10 FOOT RADIUS NO LONGER POSSESSES A FUNCTIONING TORSO, IS THAT NOT CONSIDERED ACCURACY?"

"No. Just unnecessarily destructive."

Omega paused for the shortest moment, stiffly standing straight as though he needed all the processing power in his operating system just to comprehend Shadow's statement. In a similar light, it was precisely how he would react to being told he was going on a reconnaissance mission. His trigger finger(s) were suddenly becoming twitchy. "...LOGICAL ERROR: NO DESTRUCTION IS UNNECESSARY. EVERYTHING GETS DESTROYED EVENTUALLY. I MERELY SPEED UP THE PROCESS."

Shadow sighed. While the positives of having the epitome of a walking arsenal on his side far outweighed the negatives, it became quite tiresome in the event that Team Dark had required tactics beyond "shoot everything until the mission is complete".

Again, he heard the noisy whir of Omega's tumblers as he turned to another doomed target dummy. "Give it a rest, Omega. You're not the only one that can render city blocks into smoldering craters. I just _decide_ not to when the situation calls for some actual tact. Why do you think I have inhibitor rings?"

He emptied his salvo this time for good measure, leaving hardly enough to suggest that the target even existed. "I AM NOT PROGRAMMED WITH THE CAPABILITIES OF JUDGING QUESTIONABLE FASHION CHOICES." Omega's voice didn't have the capabilities of portraying sarcasm but he made do, motivated solely by the slight eye twitch Shadow would give.

A robot with a sense of humor. Now Shadow's seen everything. He would've snipped back, making some offhand remark about Omega's "efficiency" in entering doors that weren't wide enough for his torso had it not been for the door opening behind them.

"Are you two measuring lengths again?"

Their impromptu leader strolled in, giving the two bickering toddlers a stern glare, not unlike a chastising parent. 

Team Dark was a dangerously well-oiled machine when they functioned on the same wavelength, in no small part thanks to Rouge. They all knew, no matter how much neither Shadow nor Omega wished to admit it.

"No."

"I MADE NO SUCH MENTION TO SHADOW'S INADEQUACIES."

Shadow shot him a look to which Omega blatantly ignored. Functionally, the robot's way of saying "he started it".

Rouge rolled her eyes. "Thought so."


End file.
